Phantom Expander Set Sights on Wide Exhausts

Connoisseurs of customised exhaust systems beware – a New Zealander fed up with boy racers disturbing his peace and quiet is taking the law – and a can of expanding foam – into his own hands. And the targets of his wrath are none other than wide exhaust pipes, for him symbols of all that is wrong in today’s motoring world.

Operating under the superhero-like name “The Phantom Expander”, the shadowy figure from the small New Zealand town of Blenheim made his presence known via a letter dispatched to the local newspaper. Lance Dodd, editor of the Marlborough Express, relates how the petrol head fraternity learned they had a new nemesis: “Last week we received an anonymous letter from someone who signed it ‘The Phantom Expander’, and he was saying he’s taken it upon himself to respond to the socially maladjusted Blenheim pinheads that have chosen to have wide mouth boy racer exhaust installed on their car,” said Dodd. “And he went on to say he was now taking action and squirting builders foam, the expanding foam, that sets hard, into the exhausts of these cars, and that he would carry on doing it.” In his letter, the Phantom Expander described his squirting, foamy activities as a ‘public service’.

But the Marlborough Express, being a respected community publication, doesn’t allow anonymous letters to appear within its esteemed pages. So the editor instructed the paper’s photographers to hit the streets and not return until evidence of the Phantom Expander’s work had been sighted. Given that Blenheim boasts just 10,000 residents, the photographers were back in time for a leisurely morning tea break. “Our photographer just happened to notice a car as he was walking down the street. It had white foam in the exhaust,” Dodd commented. “So he took a photo and we looked up the registration and found out who it was and called her. She was most alarmed to discover that her car had been foamed.”

So what’s the fuss? “If you don’t pick it up before it gets hard – it actually gets rock hard – and according to the muffler shop, it can cause your exhaust to blow, it can cause your cylinder gaskets to blow,” Dodd explained. Blenheim police say the Phantom Expander has already hit around a dozen cars, including one belonging to a police officer.

Despite police efforts, and one can only speculate the simmering rage officers have experienced, knowing that one of their own was amongst the victims, the Phantom Expander remains at large. And like all figures whose actions take them into the realm of the legally questionable, such as Robin Hood, Dick Turpin and the A-Team, some view the spray foam can wielding vigilante with a mixture of admiration and discomfort.

“You do kind of smile wryly when you hear and think ‘yeah, good on him,” Lance Dodd reflects. “But at the end of the day he is breaking the law, some of the people he has targeted are not boy racers or even hoons, just regular guys that happen to have an exhaust that he feels is too big.”